My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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