I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
