so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
