well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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