Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
