when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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