I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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