12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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