Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Randomize
