You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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