I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
