Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
