What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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