apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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