so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
