Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just invented taco cereal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
