The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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