i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
