Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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