i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
