Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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