dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize