just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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