he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
