Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A bitchslap is in order.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
