I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
