I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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