Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
