First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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