she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
