Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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