I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
