id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
