I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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