first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
