god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
