Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
