it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
