chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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