I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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