Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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