I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
