You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
this will be a night to untag.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
