girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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