I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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