Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
