I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
