Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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