i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
