I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
