Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
