She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
