and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
