We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need to calm my uterus...
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