I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
