after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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