Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
