pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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