i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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