Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
