You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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