I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
