he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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