I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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