my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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