So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
